HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY STYLES ! ! !
You are now 20 years old - no longer a teenager. I hope that this bittersweet moment doesn't depress you as much as the thought of turning 20 does me. (Five more months of being a teen, nooo!)
I remember when you were just a young little chap, only seventeen years old. Ahh the good ole days of being not legal. You have the excuse of being young and having no responsibilities. Now, that must come to an end and you must turn into a responsible adult, where you have to do your taxes on time, watch the news and constantly 'lay down for a few minutes because your back has been bothering you.' ...Okay so maybe not yet, you still have a few more good years left in that back of yours, but try not to get too crazy.
In honour of your 20th birthday I am going to list twenty things that you could or should be doing this year - some are more extreme than others so choose wisely for situations that you believe aren't a matter of life or death.
Let's begin.
1. Drinking! Let's just get to everybody's favourite first shall we? Of course in many countries you've been able to drink for many years now - England (18), Canada (19), Italy (16 - oouu sneaky), and if you've visited Cuba or Jamaica at age ten you were allowed to drink already. So what countries have you gained the ability to kick back and relax with a martini? Let's take a look. First up, Iceland. (I'm guessing there, on the rocks is their specialty.) Say you decide to take a quiet trip to Iceland with your pals and want to party your curly locks off - you may do so there. Second, Japan. I know you've already been there but next time you go back, no more green tea for you. No way, it's all about something a little stronger - and I'm not talking about drinking your tea black.. if you know what I mean. Finally, feel free to go crazy in Paraguay. When you're soaking up the blazing sun and you feel like you're about to melt, you know what to do. (And I don't mean jump in the pool.)
2. Get your motorcycle license! Why not right? You've already had your regular car license for five years, it's time to upgrade to cooler and faster things my friend - a two wheeler. Driving on four wheels where balance comes as easy as sitting peacefully in your car seat is so two-thousand-and-late! You're twenty now, you have a need for speed and a motorcycle will quench that thirst!
3. Swim across the ocean. I mean, this doesn't take years and years of practice and training at all. And the first person to do it was a 64 year old woman who attempted it five times until she succeeded..so come on I'm sure it's not that big of a deal. (This may be one of those times when you decide for yourself whether or not you want to attempt..)
4. Hang out with Justin Bieber. He sure knows how to live life to the fullest - maybe a little too full but hey, I'm not judging. Could you imagine the fun you'd have on your big day if you spent it with none other than mister bad boy Bieber? What's more fun than riding yellow Lambos, partying 'till the sun rises and sets again and making it crazy rain - or maybe even pour? If that opportunity ever knocks on your door, please answer it, ask it in, and offer it tea and cookies. But, maybe try not to get caught by the po-po, wouldn't want to spend your first hours of being twenty in the slammer.
5. If Bieber isn't available, the next best person to share a night of awesomeness with would be the royal ginger, Prince Harry. He's sure known to party it up king style. Go and get crazy in Vegas!(Maybe remind him that if you are going to play strip beer pong, make sure nobody is snapping any photos of your bottom. Though, if it accidentally happens, we won't mind.) This royal chap is even known to stay out until 3 AM with mister David Sexy-Bod Beckham. Awh how cute, three british lads getting crazy, crazy, crazy 'till they see the sun! I approve.
6. Steal a tiger. What? They did it on the Hangover. Regularly I would not advise this because in fact, the possibility of a free ranging tiger making your duties of capturing him easy, are probably not in the cards. Though, on your twentieth, it's time to break the rules of the zoo! Not only are you going to feed the animals, you're going to take the animals for a ride in that yellow Lambo that Bieber lent you. Then as you're driving, you're going to blast Stu's song about what tigers dream of. (While this all goes down, try to avoid Mike Tyson.)
7. Have a soccer (or football to you) tournament. This could be done sober or not sober, totally up to you. Being twenty is definitely a calling to start a little scrimmage right? Design your own uniforms, wear some sexy shin-guards and recruit the best possible team ever. Please make sure to include David Beckham (after he recovers from your night out till 3 AM of course) and Cristiano Ronaldo. If you need cheerleaders, I'm your girl.
8. Bake your own birthday cake. This is the solution to all those times when someone bought you a hazelnut cream cake with pistachio filling and vanilla icing when you specifically hinted that you prefer chocolate, always. Put your chef hat and apron on, whip out that Gordon Ramsey cookbook and bake yourself a masterpiece that is to die for. As a matter of fact, after you've made that delicious perfection, hide in in the back of your fridge and buy a store bought cake for your party - because who wants to share something that heavenly?
9. Attempt to catch the train on Platform 9 3/4. This is something that will mostly likely be done hours into your party and multiple shots later. This is 100% necessary because of the fact that your name is Harry. I mean how great will it be when you walk up to the ticket booth and ask for one ticket for Platform 9 3/4 under the name Harry? It's like an unwritten rule that because you have the same name as Mr. Potter, you must do this task. But please if you see a huge, burly man directing kids onto trains, do not run up to him and cling to his legs like a baby sloth yelling, "HAGRID!" Chances are, that is not Hagrid, just a giant man with a beard.
10. Shave your head. Ha Ha! Just kidding, don't ever do this. Your signature curls are what make you unique and special. Also, they hypnotize the ladies every time you give them a little shake - a real life superpower! Don't ever give that up.
11. Spend the night in an abandoned, haunted house. I will never do this, not even in five months when I turn twenty, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take chances and offer your soul to the spirit world! You can even bring an unlimited amount of weapons to fight off the already dead entities that you can't scare off with a baseball bat. Good luck with this, sir. Text me when you make it out alive.
12. Change your style, Styles. Not that you don't have a good sense in the clothing department and always look incredibly good - there's no issue there. Though, what do you think about a little switch-a-roo? Maybe punk? Goth? Boho? I'm sure all of these will only enhance your cute dimples and charming smile, because let's face it, you could wear a garbage bag kilt and still look like a million bucks.
13. Make an extremely outrageous and ridiculous purchase. I'm talking something so dumb that you'll instantly have regrets in a week. Not ten or twenty years down the road, you'll instantly question your life decisions days after making this quick and stupid impulse buy. But why the heck not, you're not a teenager anymore, you're an adult and if you want to purchase something crazy, you can do so if you please! (Avoid anything illegal or too big to fit in your house.)
14. Have a mean streak. You're such a sweet gentleman 365 days a year, it's time to spice things up a bit. Do something mean! Steal candy from a baby, eat grapes at a grocery store without paying for them. Yeah! Do it! I know that maybe your little heart will break if you do something that will remotely ruin your good mama's boy image, but hey, on your birthday nothing really counts right?
15. Eat something you don't like. They say it only takes the taste buds two weeks to adjust to a taste so why not inhabit a new craving? Fish eggs, octopus, frog legs - turn one of these unappealing delicacies into your new go-to comfort food. It may be hard to get down for thirteen days, but on the fourteenth it'll be a piece of cake! (A slimy, fishy piece of cake.)
16. Tee-pee someone's house. This is not to be confused with egging someone's house because that one apparently can tick people off and might get you in trouble with the law. (Thanks for the tip Justin.) Toilet paper is the safe and clean way to go because not only is it soft and fluffy, but you're also helping someone out if they happen to be running low of the toiletry. I recommend Charmin Ultra - because less is more!
17. Go Christmas Carolling not on Christmas. It's the ultimate prank for a prankster in training that won't make anyone want to smack you! Unless you're choosing to sing 'The Twelve Days of Christmas', that one's known to drive people cray cray.
18. Throw an acoustic concert. That one shouldn't be too hard for you to do considering you're already a world-wide known rockstar in a boy band that makes the girlies faint. I'm sure the only thing better than hearing your edgy tone sing to bass and drums is hearing your voice with only the back up of the angelic strums of an acoustic guitar. You can do this one at any age and still be appreciated by the entire female population.
19. Stay home and do absolutely nothing. You are always on the go and now, as a twenty year old mature lad, what's more manly than sitting on the couch with a cup of tea and your cat curled up on your lap, watching 'The Notebook'? I say nothing. Only a real man wears pink right?
20. And last, but definitely not least, have fun! Do what you want to do, eat what you want to eat and hang out with the people that make you the happiest. It's your special day and if you want to party hard or sleep in till noon, it's up to you. All that matters is that you have a rockin', fantastic and rememberable twentieth birthday that tops every other birthday you've ever had. (Until next year, nothing beats twenty-one am I right?)
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