A Lifestyle Change...

This is quite a serious and personal blog post that is typically different than all the stuff I usually write about. The reason I decided to write about this personal matter in my life is because writing helps me paint a big picture of how exactly I feel towards something. It's therapeutic to me.

Since I was young, I have always been overweight. It didn't bother me as much when I was a kid, but in my teenage years it has always been in the back of my mind. I have tried and attempted countless diets to try and lose weight, but my issue with them all was the fact that if I didn't see success quickly, my motivation would break and I would just give up.
I can become motivated and try really hard for a few weeks, but if I don't see change, it's done.

The biggest concern for me with my weight is that it's holding me back in life. I am a very confident person, but to be quite honest my body type keeps me from doing things I want. I am a summer girl, I love the warm weather, but it's also a time when I feel self conscious. I try not to wear shorts because I get embarrassed about how my legs look. When my friends have pool parties I never go swimming. I don't like the beach, and I always don't fully enjoy myself when on vacation.

As you can see from my blog I am extremely passionate about fashion. I love clothes and make-up and anything to do with the fashion world. But, I never get to dress how I want or wear the cool clothes that are in style each season because I know I won't look good in them. I know I want my career path to fall in that industry, but how can I be what I truly want to be if part of me is always hidden away in fear?

This is also starting to affect my social life. I won't go to a lot of parties because I worry about how I look in a dress. I don't want to be seen as "the fat girl." I recently went to a party where there was dancing and I was sitting at a table with five or six girls. A guy came up to the table and started asking some of my friends to dance, they each said no. He went around the whole table asking each girl and after the one sitting beside me I figured I was next. He turned around and walked away without asking me at all. I would have said no anyways, but the fact that I didn't get asked hurt. I know it has to do with my size. This is why I try to steer clear from going out to places like this.

I have a lot of friends and I'm known as someone who is funny and always cracking a joke. I like having that reputation, it's nice, but I am only seen as that to guys. I'm not rushing into finding a relationship, but I wouldn't mind having one. This is another thing that is being affected because of my weight. I won't put myself out there because I'm self conscious.

I want to act, model, be known to the public eye, and this is not to say that bigger people can't get this recognition (Adele, Melissa McCarthy, Jonah Hill) but in all honesty, being bigger limits you. In modelling you'll be seen as "plus sized" and in acting you'll get type-casted according to your size. Body image is not everything, of course, but it's a big part of surviving and succeeding in society.

I have recently decided that I'm going to put myself on a very strict diet because I want to change my lifestyle and I want to be one hundred percent confident and happy with myself. I decided to talk openly about this on my blog because I thought it would motivate me more knowing that people were possibly reading and following my story. Maybe I'll motivate someone else who is feeling the same way as me. I want to document my successes and failures so that when I win in the end, (and I will win) I can look back at the journey that I took to reach my goal.

My goal will to be to lose thirty to forty pounds by the end of the summer and to become more active. I recently got into a gym craze where I tried to go every day, but I fell out of that routine. I hope to start that back up again. I have also started to go to yoga weekly which I really enjoy, and that is something that I want to become a routine this summer. I will try to update and talk about my achievements every two weeks.

So here's to a healthier and happier lifestyle and here's to conquering my goals for the present and the future. :) Wish me luck.